01 March 2011
Dear David,
As a divorced woman in my 50’s, what I find myself wanting most is to get this relationship aspect of my life right. I’ve spent the last 5 years working deeply on myself and I’ve learned that there will always be parts of me that needs working on – it’s just the way I am. How can I attract that one somebody who is willing to take me as I amand to work on the relationship to make it even better for the both of us?
Darlene
Dear Darlene,
Thank you for that great inquiry! First of all, I believe you are in a perfect place! Seriously, the first small step is to know, to trust completely, as completely as you can, that you are in a perfect place. And in the perfect place, all that’s required is to accept everything in your life as ‘what is,’ then you can choose to create something new starting now if that’s what you want. And quit working on yourself, holy cow, five years is enough for a Masters degree! It’s time to relax and trust that all you’ve learned is valid and let yourself create from Being, not Doing, integrate, I call it passive action. Accepting that everything really is perfect will allow you to appreciate your life more right now and love this moment rather than always anticipating. That may sound too simplistic at first, but it’s the easiest way I know to bring yourself into the present moment, as much as that’s possible. And in the present, the Now, there can be nothing other than ‘what is’, and it’s not possible for ‘what is’ to be imperfect. Persisting at incorporating that idea, that thought pattern, will bring a tranquility as it is integrated it into your being. The goal and the result is a state of well-being, the highest attribute to aspire.
And who says that “this relationship aspect of my life” is wrong? What’s your standard to judge your relationships by? I’m guessing that you do have some great relationships. How about taking your best relationships, the ones you know you have right, and judge your relationship ability by that. Start with a high bar! And get the “it’s just the way I am” out of your thinking entirely! What sounds more powerful, “I am always learning and growing, becoming more fulfilled,” or “it’s just the way I am?” Which is more truthful?
Holy cow again! My guess is that you are correct, “there will always be parts of me that needs working on,” that’s a pretty doggone clear attraction mantra, and I expect it’s quite fruitful! Energy flows where attention goes. You are perfect, right where you are, you don’t “have to” work on yourself, there’s really nothing to fix. As you live into your authenticity that acceptance of your perfection brings, you’ll realize that you already have everything you need for relationships, success, peace of mind, and whatever. No one will have to show up to complete you, or fix you, or, heaven forbid, help you work on yourself! The first person “who is willing to take me as I am” has to be You. It’s critical to first accept yourself right now as the sole source of everything in your life, and be more loving with yourself. Recognize that everything in your life has set you right here, right now, perfectly, and also that you are powerful enough to change anything you don’t want anymore. Be the change, as Gandhi said. Notice he didn’t say “Do the change”, it was “Be the change.” As you relax into your perfection, you won’t need for things to get ‘better’, you may still aspire to change but it won’t be to ‘improve’ or to reach some ‘perfection’ out there somewhere. Better implies now is not good enough, I’m not a big fan of better.
As far as attracting that “one somebody”, I have a theory about attraction (I was a scientist in another life you know!), creation must precede attraction. You must first create that complimentary somebody, and it’s difficult to do that if you’re always shooting on the move - ‘here I am today, but wait, I’ll work on myself a bit more and then I’ll be… oh, I don’t know where I’ll be.’ That one somebody is more likely to be the real one somebody if you’re coming not from a needy place, but from a place of power, self acceptance, and self-love.
Thank you again for sharing! I’m not asking you to believe anything I’ve said, my intention was simply to share my perceptions in an authentic way. You are the gatekeeper of beliefs in your world and life, you know what the truth is, and if I have assisted you in clarifying your thinking in any way then I’m thrilled.
Create your life your way!
david
love
